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That nasty 6 letter word

April 17, 2006

Cancer. I hate that word. I think my Mom must hate it more. The obstruction in the bowel that Mom had surgery to remove last week was indeed a cancerous tumor. They were successful in removing the tumor, beyond that, we have no idea. We don’t know if it was the primary source of the cancer or if it had traveled from somewhere else, or if it has travelled somewhere else. We don’t know, besides this surgery, if she will need additional treatment. It’s all a blur.

Both of my maternal grandparents died of cancer. My grandmother died of breast cancer when I was 1 year old. My grandfather died of throat cancer during my early childhood. My maternal aunt had breast cancer when I was 12 and is still living. My step-father had a very bad cancer in his brain and died of liver failure following chemo and radiation treatments 4 years ago. It seems that so many people in my Mom’s life have been affected by cancer and now, she too, has it.

I don’t think she’s doing well with the news. Yesterday she was walking and starting to eat. Today she wouldn’t wake up, she’s supposed to be eating solids, but she’s vomiting. She won’t get out of bed. I’m afraid she’s already given up, and it’s only just begun.

I wanted to thank everyone for your comments this last week. Getting your messages and knowing that you were thinking and praying for us really means the world to me, and I apologize for not responding, or letting anyone know what has been going on, but well, you know…

For right now I’m spending alot of time with Mom at the hospital, and working sporadically. I know there are things at RAKScraps that I should follow up on, the Mom’s Advice project and prizes for the Night Owl challenges, but for now they will wait. Alot of you have offered to help, what we need is a lot of positive energy and love.

It’s amazing, I’ve never met any of you in person but you really have become some of my closest friends, I appreciate all of you so much and I miss having the time to catch up and chat and scrap. As soon as I can manage I will get back into it. For right now I’m restoring some photos for my Dad and spending lots of time with JT and waiting. I need a game plan, I need to organize all my thoughts. This has really become a study in patience for me. I want all the answers now and I can’t get them, and that is incredibly frustrating.

I just can’t figure out how to end this post, so I’ll just end it…

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13 Comments leave one →
  1. April 18, 2006 8:20 am

    I was hoping the news would be better, as I’m sure were you. You are in my prayers every day, Tania! I miss you but you do what you gotta do – we’ll all be here when you get back or just when you need some cheering up. Seriously, if you ever need *anything* at all, or even just need to talk, you know how to get in touch with me. Sending all the hugs I can muster…

  2. April 18, 2006 5:23 pm

    I am so sorry to hear this Tania! I have been thinking about you and your mother and haven’t had a chance to check in on you until now. I miss you tons too and I am with Amy in that I’ll be here for you!!! We all love you tons!

  3. April 18, 2006 7:17 pm

    Tania, my prayers are with you and your family. My father died of Lung Cancer in August and the cancer ride is a very scary one. It is exactly that… a ride of ups and downs. Just remember to take each day as it comes.. and every now and then it’s ok to sleep and just be bummed out. That is a normal feeling. If you need ANYthing let me know. I seriously know what you are going through. Also I am always up for making some prizes for your challenges 🙂

  4. karen permalink
    April 18, 2006 10:42 pm

    {{{HUGS}}} I’m sorry to hear about your grandmother. I just hope the doctor’s can find out more and help her feel more comfortable and to ease the pain.

  5. Kidzkatzdog permalink
    April 18, 2006 11:54 pm

    Tania, I’m keeping your mom in my prayers. Take care of yourself; try not to get burned out. Hugs, prayers & my thoughts &

  6. April 19, 2006 7:48 am

    Oh sweetie, I desperately wish to hug you right now! So I’m sending some virtual hugs instead, ok? You, your mom, and your family will always be in my thoughts and prayers. We understand the silence, and we’ll still and always be here for you no matter what. Smoochies, girl!

  7. April 19, 2006 9:10 am

    I’m so sorry to hear that, Tania. I hope you get some more answers soon. Will be sending tons of positive vibes your way! (((hugs)))

  8. Melinda permalink
    April 19, 2006 9:16 am

    I was hoping it wouldn’t be what you were expecting. I don’t know if it is worse to find it out was what you expected, or to be shocked to find it was cancer when you were expecting something else like happened with my Dad. Cancer treatments have come a long way in the last 5 years, so hopefully there is something they can do. My Dad probably wouldn’t have had as much success with his treatments if he had gone through chemo 5 years ago.
    Let us know what is happening occasionally; we totally understand if there are periods where we don’t hear from you.

  9. April 20, 2006 11:27 am

    Oh Tania…I wish I could think of something to say that could help ease the difficulty of this situation but I can’t. It hits way too close to home for me. My own battle with Cancer, my mom’s battle and now my grandma is battling it and unfortunately seems to be losing the battle. You are in my thoughts!!!

  10. April 20, 2006 3:57 pm

    I’m so sorry to hear about your mom!! Just wanted you to know you and your mom are in my prayers.

  11. April 21, 2006 5:47 pm

    I’m so sorry that you have to go through this!
    I wish I was closer so I could give you a real hug – not just an internet one! but that will have to do ((((((((HUG))))))))) – I made it a big one anyway!

  12. April 22, 2006 9:27 am

    Tania – I am still thinking and praying for your family. I, too, wish I was closer so I could give you a hug, cook some meals, or something for you. Hang in there, hun, and let me know if I can do anything for you. (((hugs)))

  13. lilsassy permalink
    April 28, 2006 7:49 pm

    I don’t know you, Tania, but your story touches me. My mother-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer 5 years ago. I took her to chemo and doctor’s appointments, wig fitting, and I cooked for her, etc., while she was down. It was a long road and she ended up having a masectomy at the end, but she has been cancer free since then. She was sick a lot from the chemo and all the associated drugs. She got sick from anesthesia – everything made her sick. Her husband died from cancer when they were in their 50’s. Almost every year we go to a funeral because one of her husband’s siblings passes away from one type of cancer or another. I worry about my husband because it runs in his family on his father’s side. My mother-in-law and I were not especially close before all of this, but this experience has really helped me see her in a different light, and she now sees me in a different light. Some good has come out of it and I’m grateful for that.

    Take care of yourself and know that a lot of people are thinking about you and praying for you and your mom.

    LilSassy

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